Danica Patrick’s monologue to open the ESPYs went over like, well, a flat tire at the Indianapolis 500. But luckily for her, the prerecorded skit was much better.  

Patrick fared better in a taped spoof of the movie “I, Tonya,” renamed “I, Danica.” She played dual roles of herself and her alcohol-swilling mother. Patrick’s real-life boyfriend, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, played the same role wearing a mustache.

Also getting laughs was a bit in which Patrick was joined onstage by a young girl, part of “Dani-Kids” which Patrick explained was a program to help young kids achieve their dreams. The youngster aspired to be a host like Patrick.

As a mock-horrified Patrick stood by, the youngster cracked age-inappropriate jokes. One of them involved LeBron James buying two houses in Brentwood as a black man causing the biggest stir in that upscale neighborhood since O.J. Simpson.

It’s safe to say she won’t be hosting anything anytime soon.