Herschel Walker is one hell of a storyteller. 

The former NFL player’s eventful Georgia state Senate campaign is somehow still going on after he found himself in a runoff against incumbant Raphael Warnock. The stakes have never been higher, which may have reminded Walker about a vampire movie he recently watched, which in turn would explain why he described the plot of the 1985 horror movie Fright Night during a speech on Wednesday.

“It was about vampires. I don’t know if you know but vampires are some cool people are they not? But let me tell you something that I found out: a werewolf can kill a vampire did you know that? I never knew that. So I don’t want to be a vampire anymore I wanna be a werewolf.


But then anyway as I’m watching this movie and then you tell how stupid it is cause it’s one in the morning. So I’m watching my TV of these kids watching their TV of a vampire killed on their TV. So you know it’s kinda stupid, but I’m still watching though. As I’m watching this show what was funny was these kids had a vampire in their attic at their house. So they were watching their TV, now I’m watching my TV, they’re watching their TV, they see the vampire killed on their TV. So they win this contest to bring this actor — now y’all gotta stay with me — bring this actor who’s a vampire killer from that TV to get rid of this [unintelligible] vampire in their attic. So this actor comes into their home, he got all the right stuff. He got all the right stuff. Because you know, gotta have a stake, gotta have a thing to kill him in the heart. And he’s got a necklace of garlic, cause that work. I don’t know what it does but it work. Gotta have a cross, cause it burns, I know that works.

And then all of a sudden, this is what’s so funny about it: as they’re walking through the house, this, this guys got the holy water and he’s blessing the house, this actor now he’s all faith. He’s blessing the house with his holy water. He walked upstairs and this vampire looking real good in his black suit, whoa that sounds like Senator Warnock doesn’t it? Looking all good in his black suit. Floated from the ceiling , he floated from the ceiling looking good and cool. And I’m thinking “Whoa, they better get out of that house.” If somebody float from your ceiling, get out of that house. That’s not your house. But as he floated from the ceiling the kid jumped behind their hero, and they jumped behind their hero, the guy jumped in front of them with this holy water threw it on the vampire forehead, he covered his eyes. Then he took his hand away and started laughing. And he said “that don’t work.” He took the cross and put it on the vampire forehead and the vampire didn’t even do anything he said “that don’t work.” And that’s where it is in our life. It don’t even work unless you’ve got faith.

That’s one way to give a speech.

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