Bartolo Colon is the sexiest, and via Evan Grant of the Dallas Morning News, GM Jon Daniels welcomed Colon to the organization: 

 Jon Daniels on Colon: “Bartolo brings a track record of durability and success in the Major Leagues. He pounds the strike zone and provides quality competition for our rotation. Welcome to Texas, Big Sexy!”  

This guy gets it, Big Sexy in the lone star state is a match made in heaven.